


Sex Ed

by SleepDeprivedFemale



Category: Soul Eater
Genre: Exactly What It Says on the Tin, Gen, Headcanon, Sex Education
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-05
Updated: 2016-03-05
Packaged: 2018-05-24 21:47:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6167878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SleepDeprivedFemale/pseuds/SleepDeprivedFemale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After attending Sex Ed class, a few interesting questions pop up about Grim Reapers and Human Sexuality. Nothing explicit, mostly a collection of headcanons.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sex Ed

Soul thumped his head against the desk. "This is gonna be so uncool…"

Maka, who was sitting next to her Weapon partner, was blushing furiously and trying her best to hide her frame behind a book about the DWMA's history.

Close to her, a nervous Tsubaki was giving the others tight-lipped smiles, her expression slowly turning to one of embarrassment. In contrast, Black Star was attentively looking over the podium, back hunched in anticipation.

A row below them, Kid was casually reclining against his seat, with Liz and Patty flanking him. The elder Thompson was looking at the stage below with a raised eyebrow, while Patty was happily doodling on a piece of paper torn from her supposed 'notebook'.

The object of everyone's varying levels of reactions was the two words clearly etched on the blackboard; two monosyllabic words with ginormous implications.

' **SEX ED'**

Today, on February 14th, was the designated day for the Academy's Sexual Education program. It ran through both EAT and NOT classes at all levels and ages. No teen could escape 'The Talk'; those who called in sick would be given one-on-one sessions later in the afternoon.

This was why the six students were the only ones in the classroom, courtesy of Black Star challenging Kid in a fight that got out of hand. Maka and Soul had gotten involved, trying to stop both sides from killing each other. This resulted in preoccupying the teens and causing them to miss the general sessions. As for the fight, it had ended in a stalemate, with a boisterous Black*Star expertly dodging books Maka threw at him in a fit of rage, whereas Kid lamented his lapse of judgement.

The door to the classroom opened with a loud creak. Maka looked up from her book, face still as red as a tomato. Soul also half-heartedly looked up, whereas Patty paused in her incessant doodling.

A swivel chair dashed through the entrance, only for the wheels to topple over a small elevation, causing the chair and the grey haired man on top of it, to topple to the ground.

Maka's, Soul's and Tsubaki's faces fell even more. "Oh no…"

"Hello, everyone," greeted the fallen man as he slowly stood up, dusting his stitched up lab coat and regarding the six students. Dr Frank N. Stein may have been the worst pick for Sex-Ed. As skilled and knowledgeable as that man was in Biology, what he had in knowledge, he lacked at tact.

"Stein!" came a female voice from outside the room, giving the students a small ray of hope ever since the man had stumbled into the room classroom. "I told you not to run like that! You always keep falling down!"

A young Scandinavian woman entered the class, her blonde hair framing one golden eye, the other covered by a lightning-insignia eye patch.

"Miss Marie?"

The sight of the female Death Scythe eased the minds of the students a bit. Though Marie Mjolnir was known as 'Marie the Pulverizer', the Demon Weapon could be surprisingly gentle and empathetic, often acting as an overprotective mother towards her students.

The woman turned towards the students and gave them a wide smile. "Hello everyone! Stein and I will be your teachers for this lesson."

"So much for that…" muttered Soul.

"So," Stein spoke up, and tapped against the board. "Let's talk about human reproduction."

"To preface this," Marie said, "I know this is an awkward subject to talk about. However, it is very important that you pay close attention to everything we say in this lesson. The teenage years will be a very strange and often frustrating period of your life. Your body changes, and so does your mind and even soul! So please, we just want the best for you. Don't take this as a lesson; instead, take it as a guide for a very important part of your life from now on!"

Kid raised his hand. Miss Marie looked at the boy in confusion, but gave him permission to speak via a nod.

The young Reaper straightened his back as he addressed the teachers in confusion. "Why am I here?"

Marie paused, unsure. "…To learn about sex?"

"Is it different for Grim Reapers, Kid?" Stain immediately asked, hungry for information of any kind. Marie subtly jabbed him for his bluntness.

Kid shrugged. "There's not really much to it, Professor Stein. I know how it works, but I don't have a use for it. Can I go now? I need to make sure the paintings on the second floor highway are symmetrical, and also-"

The two teachers looked at one another. Marie gave Stein a confused shrug, while the scientist ran a hand through his grey hair. "Eh, I suppose so."

Soul gave the Grim Reaper a jealous look. Maka and Tsubaki glanced at each other, and they both looked at Liz, who looked at the whole scene like it was old news. Kid, oblivious to all the non-verbal communication going on around him, simply stood up and the left the room in a hurry.

Stein turned to the rest of the class.

"Now, here's how we put on a condom…"

\\*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*/

"I'm never eating bananas ever again," a defeated Soul muttered.

The embarrassing lesson had finished a while ago. The DWMA students had gathered to the school's mostly empty cafeteria –it was afternoon, so almost all classes were finished. The gang had picked up a late afternoon snack and talked among themselves. About ten minutes after they'd settled in, Kid walked up with a satisfied expression.

"Well, the good news are that the portraits are perfectly symmetrical! Of course, I had to do a double-check around the house, so apologies for being late-"

"Why the hell did you get to skip this class?"

The Grim Reaper looked at Soul in confusion, like he had been asked 'what is the color of the sea?' "I'm not human. Therefore I was not the target audience of this lecture."

"Come on! You gotta know about sex, right?"

Kid frowned. "Technically, no."

"Eh?"

" _I can't believe I'm having this conversation right now,_ " the boy muttered to himself before speaking up. "Think, Soul. I'm a Grim Reaper. You'd think I'd be capable of creating life in the first place?"

"What does life gotta do with sex?" Black Star spoke up.

Kid threw the boys an indignant look. "But that's the point, isn't it? As long as the two individuals are compatible, life can be created through that process."

Soul blushed. "You mean having babies?"

"Do I have to spell it out?"

"Initially, the primary purpose of sexual reproduction was to create life," Stein spoke up, who'd walked up to the students after the class was over. He had a similar expression whenever he went on about dissecting someone, and listened to the small confrontation in interest. "Since humans have built complex societies, procreation does not play a prominent role in sex anymore, and is now associated with pleasure. That doesn't change the fact that its origin lie in creating life."

Soul scrunched his brow even more. "Wait, I'm confused. What's the problem here?"

Kid threw the boy an exasperated gesture. "I cannot create life, Soul. Therefore…"

Soul carried the tune, until a metaphorical light bulb lighted up in his head. The boy's eyes widened in horror.

"You can't have sex?!"

"Don't be so melodramatic," Kid grimaced at his reactions.

"But you got a dick, right?!"

There was a pause, in which Maka threw her book at Soul. Liz looked like she was barely restraining herself from laughing out loud, while Tsubaki had buried her head in her hands.

Kid closed his eyes. " _How did it end up like this…?"_ He took a deep breath. "Yes, I possess all the anatomical parts of a male."

"Then what's the problem?"

"There _isn't_ a problem. I just don't feel the need for it."

"You don't feel the need?"

"I don't have urges, whatever you call them." The Grim Reaper gestured in a nonchalant way. "Say, when you look at Blair, you get a nosebleed."

"What- _no_..."

Kid threw him a deadpan look.

"I mean, maybe…"

The Grim Reaper sighed. "Well, you do, and it's obvious what causes your nasal blood pressure to rise at vessel-bursting levels."

"The point is…?"

"The point is that I don't get that. I don't have sexual attraction, or a libido." Kid frowned. "Or a gender, really."

"Wait," the albino spoke up, "you're a man."

Kid shrugged. "From a biological and human perspective, yes."

Soul narrowed his eyes. "But…?"

Kid didn't answer immediately, instead pondering over something. "That's just it, I guess. If I woke up in a female body, I wouldn't feel any different; as long as it is symmetrical of course."

"Woah, that'd be weird. Eibon-kind of weird." Soul paused. "Wait. When you were trapped through the Book of Eibon, did you go through the Lust Chapter?"

Kid raised an eyebrow. "Maybe. Why?"

"Cause that chapter changes your sex, dude. It's supposed to be temporary, but man, being in the wrong skin is the worst thing ever…"

"Then I suppose I didn't go through it. Or maybe it only works on humans in such a way… Besides, if it did change my 'sex' that effect might have been permanent in a way, since I guess it doesn't matter to me." Kid placed his hand on his chin in thought. "Perhaps with enough concentration and practice I could potentially alter my appearance…"

"Oh, you'd be able to go in the girl's shower rooms without getting slapped," Soul poked him jokingly.

"Don't be lewd, Soul. Besides, I've already told you I have no interest in that."

"Is Death a man too? I mean you call him Father."

"Most people referred to Father as 'he' when I grew up, so I did the same and now it's stuck. If I went up to him and called him 'Mother' I'm sure it'd raise questions."

Soul turned towards the two sisters. "You two know about these things?"

Liz shrugged as she faced Soul. "Yeah, pretty much. I've been living with him for a few years, you think _that_ wouldn't come up?" The elder Thompson soon went back to checking her nails. "Also, Kid celebrates with his dad on both Mother and Father's day, so I suspected something was up."

It was then that Soul noticed the faint red of the reaper's cheeks. "Wait, are you blushing?"

"You realize I'm giving you the equivalent of a sex talk for Grim Reapers, right?"

Soul took a long pause. "Oh."

"Yes, well… this conversation got quite sidetracted."

"Dude, I got one more question."

"Joy," Kid deadpanned.

"How old are ya?"

"Quite. I'm older than you and the rest of the faculty…" Kid squinted his eyes. "Probably."

"Let me guess, a Grim Reaper thing too?"

Kid simply nodded.

"Man, it's weird if you think about it. I mean I know you're a Grim Reaper and all that, but I never really thought about it."

"Well, it's not surprising. I'd find humans strange if I'd never had contact with them."

"It's still weird," Soul commented. "Not in a bad way or anything like that. Just weird."

"Takes all kinds to make a world."

"Yeah."

Meanwhile, Stein had been quietly listening in the background, notepad in hand.

**Author's Note:**

> Why? Because I have lost control of my life. I also blame Sakura23165 for enabling me by beta'ing this. You're in this with me now, there's no escape :P
> 
> Um... Please leave a comment if you enjoyed it? Or not. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
